Are you always on?

What do you do to ‘keep it tight, keep it right’ as the fully made up, designer clad basketball wives say?
The other day I was listening to a morning talk show and one of the radio hosts said how happy she was that her boyfriend was away for three days because she was able to comfortably sleep in sweat pants, granny panties and a dumpy T-shirt. Her colleague commented on the three year relationship. She responded saying how much work it was to be in a matching thong set every night, looking cute with every hair in place. She laughed.
I frowned. When is her boyfriend going to meet her?
I attended a party recently and a guest complimented my asymmetrical haircut. I thanked her shrugging and sighing with twisted facial expressions.
“What’s the problem?’
“The neediness of the style,” I said. “My hair needed a healthy change, however, I don’t do well with needy. Thank goodness my child was not the leg clinger type.
“Is your husband home every night?”
“No, he travels a lot.”

“Well, on the nights he isn’t home, surely you can wrap your hair in curlers or bobby pins and a scarf. Then, when he’s home, that’s when you’ll have to figure out how to deal with it,” she said. As if he need not be burdened by the ‘behind the scenes’ information.
I shook my head up and down. I never enjoyed curlers. I went with the wet scrunch look if it meant avoiding sitting under a dryer and having to lay on an Egyptian headrest to keep the style intact. I was never the type to not pay a utility bill because it coincided with a salon visit on a Friday night. That is a whole other blog topic. I will wrap a scarf ‘a la Erika Badu’ on early morning or rainy days, however, the last time I regularly wore a scarf around my head, I was in high school. It gained me the nickname ‘twal’-meaning cloth. The boys dropped the ‘l’ in hopes I wouldn’t get the meaning. I had loads of nicknames. I’m fine. Yes, I’m still dear friends with all those guys today. I digress.
I understand there are phases in relationships, but when, if ever, do you let your hair down? Stop being an impostor?
I must be missing something, or not. Beyond basic care, I don’t get it. I’m not saying never, because I do love pretty dresses, makeup, and high, high heels, just not the daily supermarket run (oh, it’s just a little shadow, foundation, mascara, liner, and gloss) and outfit suited more for a veranda event with mint juleps. Okay, not weekly either. It might be a ‘mom’ thing; or just me thing.
My daughter summed me up this morning. I walked up to her and kissed her rounded cheek, she looked at me and said, “Mama, your hair looks crazy. Papa, doesn’t Mama’s hair look like it’s been in a tornado?” Then she fell over in an explosive, exaggerated fit of laughter that almost clogged the cheerios in her throat. My husband joined in.
I went to fill my coffee mug.
I looked down at my droopy T-shirt and boxer shorts. I was so not on.
Maybe the women on TV should have had their real face out there from the beginning, because the ones saying, ‘keep it right, keep it tight’ were the ex wives. Focus too much on one aspect and something else suffers. Matching thong set didn’t work for too long I suppose...
I’m comfortable with not being perfect. Balance is good.